The Power of a Compliment

Image source: Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels

Wow, I love that new dress!

Thank you so much for your hard work; I really appreciate it.

I was feeling a bit lonely; your conversation brightened my day.

Simple words and phrases, and yet, they have the power to not only make the person that you say these words of thanks and gratitude happy, but they can instantly lift your mood as well. Of course, the opposite side of the compliment coin applies as well. I wrote recently about a doctor’s visit I had where the physician’s assistant was abrupt and rude to me in a short 15-minute appointment, ruining my entire day. I fixated on my poor physical results and soothed myself with a couple bags of Cheetos (my go-to comfort food).

The other day, though, I received a wonderfully complimentary email from a client. The client was so appreciative of my copyediting work and spent several sentences extolling my accuracy and thoroughness. It was such a wonderful feeling reading those kind words, that I’m still thinking about those compliments days later. Beyond a general warm feeling of happiness, I also felt more confident in my editing abilities. Buoyed by those good feelings, I was generous with my daughter and husband, and the day was generally a happy success.

Now let’s compare the feelings that those two different interactions engendered. Both interactions took about the same amount of time, but one left the receiver of the compliments feeling bright and happy, and she, in turn, spread that happiness to other people in her life.

How about for the person giving the compliments? Does being generous with praise provide them with any benefits? If you’ve read this blog for any amount of time, you’ll have to know by now that one of my favorite podcasts is Dr. Lauri Santos’ Happiness Lab. In an episode on the power of compliments, Santos interviews Troye Hawke, a man who spends his days complimenting everyone he meets, and Dr. Xuan Zhao, a research scientist at Stanford University. Dr. Zhao has done extensive research on how the simple act of complimenting, and doing so often, can provide large social benefits to both the giver and the receiver of those compliments.

We are social creatures, of course, and when we compliment someone, we give them a strong sense of belonging, a sense that makes our connections stronger and more fulfilling. In one of her studies, Dr. Zhao posits, “Belonging is a need that can be satisfied by repeated signs of warmth and appreciation. Underestimating their power may lead people to refrain from expressing these signs more often in daily life” in her study, “Kind Words Do Not Become Tired Words: Undervaluing the Positive Impact of Frequent Compliments.”

Ever since listening to that podcast, I have made a concerted effort to fit in compliments and gratitude for the people that I interact with in my life on a daily basis. Whether that’s my immediate family, my friends, the cashier at the grocery store, or, yes, even that rude physician’s assistant, I try to thank them for the kindnesses they’ve shared or the work that they’ve done.

So, the next time you’re sending out that email, interacting with a service worker, calling into a help desk, or walking with a friend, make sure to take some time to share a compliment. It costs you nothing, and it can be the thing that absolutely makes that person’s day.