Hello, blog. Long time, no write. As you can see from my previous posts, these past few months have been trying, as I imagine they would be for anyone who lives in the US and cares about others and has even an iota of empathy. And trying to write for both my own website and Medium was draining, hence the long break. During that break, I chewed over a couple of questions. Who was I writing for? Why was I writing? How was my blogging helping me with my fiction writing?
Because I was writing for Medium as well, I found that I was writing what I thought audiences there might like. I wasn’t writing for myself. And so, now I’ve decided to stick with my own blog. I want to take my time to write my posts, not because I want to perfect each post, but because I don’t want to feel like blogging owns me. I blog when I have something to say, when I have something that I want to work out “on paper.”
And so my topic today will be the start of my GLP-1 journey. And by my use of the word “today,” don’t think I have written this post all in one sitting. I’m giving myself permission to take the time that I need to write. That will mean fewer blog posts, but also fewer posts where I’m just dashing something off to get something posted.
As part of healing my writing journey, I suppose it makes sense to chat about how I started a GLP-1 medication in my attempt to begin my physical health journey.
I don’t watch a ton of TV, so I haven’t been bombarded with Ozempic and Wegovy ads. Even without seeing the ads (and even as I’ve weaned myself off of TikTok, which I’ll document in another post), I knew about the stigma: “Oh, that person has Ozempic face.” “She’s lazy; she’s probably on Ozempic.” It was all part of the puritanical zeal people attack anyone who is even a smidge overweight.
Finding the Right Doctor
Despite the negative views around the drug, I wanted to talk to my doctor about my options. First, I had to find a doctor. My doctor retired last year, and then I found a doctor I loved. And then, of course, she left the practice I was at. I had to navigate a bewildering healthcare system where doctor after doctor was getting burned out by a terrible for-profit system. Aren’t the wonders of modern American medicine grand?
I kept putting off finding another doctor. It was exhausting. Doctor review sites were somewhat helpful, but doctors with high ratings weren’t always in my network. I’m the kind of person who just wants to quickly make a pick and be done with it. But not this time. I’m older and wiser now, she says only somewhat jokingly. I wanted to find a doctor who was empathetic. One who would treat me as a whole patient and not just a statistic.
I finally found one close to my house that I absolutely love. She is kind; exactly what I was looking for. She really listened to me. I have been losing and regaining the same sixty pounds for most of my life. She listened as I went through my life-long weight trials and tribulations.
Life-Long Battle
Weight has never not been an issue for me. There has never been a time when I didn’t think about my weight or about food and my next meal. I would go to bed thinking about what I would have for breakfast. And, as soon as I had breakfast, I would start thinking about lunch and dinner and where I would be at any point in time so I could ensure I could have a snack during low-blood-sugar moments. Each weekend and after every holiday, I would promise myself that I would be “better” and eat well on the Monday after a binge.
For most of my life, the only issue this presented was always being the chubby friend. There were brief periods where I could starve myself and lose weight. And when I say starve, that is exactly how I felt. I would be in a constant state of hunger as I reduced my calorie intake and upped my physical output. And I could lose the pounds, so many pounds. But slowly, over time, they always made their way back on.
The Path to Pre-Diabetes
After having my first child, my health numbers started going in the wrong direction. When my A1C started going up, my doctor put me on Metformin. My body had a terrible time processing the drug, and I was nauseated all day. I couldn’t eat without immediately running to the bathroom.
Well, I suppose that’s one way to lose weight.
And I did. That initial adjustment to the Metformin got me on a healthy eating journey that had me losing 60 pounds. And I was happy. Really happy. I was able to maintain that weight loss for about two to three years. But, slowly, over time, and, as I got closer to perimenopause, the weight started creeping back on.
And it’s not like I didn’t know how the weight started coming back on. I was less restrictive. I stopped bringing my own food to parties. I stopped counting calories. I thought that I was healthy enough to do that. You know, to actually live my life like a normal, nondieting person.
It turns out that I couldn’t. The second I stopped counting calories, the second I stopped only eating brown rice and whole wheat carbs, the second I stopped feeling like I was starving every second of the day, the weight started to come back on.
And my health numbers started going in the wrong direction.
Trying GLP-1s
After a particularly rude interaction with a nurse practitioner (“Why have you gained so much weight?” “Um, because I’m eating more and working out less; why do you think?”), I started to see a health coach.
I had been seeing my health coach for several months by the time I finally found my new, wonderful doctor. I told my doctor about all of the things I had been doing with the coach: I was working out every single day, both cardio and yoga. I knew all about calorie deficits and eating more fiber and lean protein.
But the problem was the food noise. It made every food choice a minute-by-minute battle. My problem was metabolic. If you haven’t, I highly, highly recommend the Fat Science podcast. The obesity doctor that puts that podcast on busts the very simplistic (and puritanical) myth that obesity/diabetes is simply a calories-in/calories-out math problem. My doctor agreed. She looked at my health indicators and immediately agreed that investigating the use of GLP-1s was something I should try.
I was nervous. There was so much information about terrible side effects. And the thought of giving myself a weekly injection. Yikes.
Quiet
But I tried it.
And when I finally started taking my medication, that food noise battle was instantly over. The very day that I started the injection, the food noise stopped.
Quiet.
This medication has been life-changing for me. Yes, I have to inject myself once a week, and yes I can’t eat whatever I want (greasy foods do a number on my gut). The beauty of this metabolic medication is that when I take it, I don’t want to eat that greasy food anymore. But it’s not at all about cravings. It’s that I feel satisfied when I eat a meal. I enjoy the taste of fruits and vegetables. And when I’m not eating, I’m not thinking about food.
The bonus to this health journey is that my weight is going down, my blood pressure numbers are good, and I’m hoping that, at my next check-up, my blood sugar numbers will also improve.
I can now finally live my best, healthy life without being in a constant state of starvation. And it is wonderful.
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