I Just Turned 50

Is this a sunset or a sunrise?

Photo by Alex P on Pexels.

Yikes.

That’s the post. That’s it.

Okay, no, that’s not really it. There’s been a lot leading up to this milestone age and a lot leading down from it. In fact, the lead-up, physically, at least, hasn’t always been up, up, up. As I approached midlife, everything started going downhill, but also, well, uphill.

I have written about my journey to starting Mounjaro. This GLP-1 has been life-saving. My A1C is 4.9 now—what? My blood pressure is cool as a cucumber. I have lived for such a long time thinking that my weight problems were a result of a lack of willpower. I knew exactly how to lose weight (eat less, move more), but I was just.so.tired. I was so hungry all the time. It was a madness I was under at times. Yes, I would throw food in the trash. And, yes, I would sometimes grab that bag of chips from the trash and stare at it. Was I going to eat it?

No, it’s bad for me.

Yes, I already ruined my day, might as well.

No, that’s gross; you just pulled it from the trash.

Yes, the salty cheesiness is going to make me feel so great.

No. Just NO!

And as I got older, midlife was now compounding all of the health problems that being overweight caused for me. Thankfully, as the years have marched on, I’ve also become so much better at advocating for myself and my health, which led me to getting my prescription.

GLP-1 Journey

And the second I injected my first dose of Mounjaro, all of that overwhelming “food noise” just stopped. I have now been on the medication for seven months, and I am no longer obese. In fact, I am no longer overweight. Something that I haven’t been for more than 30 years.

My physician’s assistant was so proud of my progress. When they took my A1C for a check, the nurse assistant came running back into the room to show me my results sticker. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! This medication was completely controlling my blood sugars. She gave me the sticker, and I stuck it into my journal. Finally, proof that once there was a way to treat my metabolic dysfunction, I could actually treat my diseases (obesity, hypertension, dyslipidemia, and diabetes).

Perimenopause and Stress

Of course, I had also been using food to calm myself. At regular breaks throughout the day, I would stop whatever was stressing me out, and sit down with a bag of chips and perhaps a chocolate or two and sit down to bliss out. Now that that coping mechanism was gone, I could feel my stress levels start to rise. These were stress levels that were already starting to rise as a result of my perimenopause. I had already started Estrogen patch therapy, which had done wonders for my hot flashes and my terrible sleep. But now that I was no longer spending so much time obsessing about food, I had the energy to investigate therapy.

I always thought that therapy was for broken people, and that wasn’t me. But it’s not about being broken. It was about wanting to be my best, healthiest self. If I was willing to stick myself with a needle every week to improve my physical health, I needed to be just as willing to work on my mental health. I started therapy. We’ll see. My anxiety has been through the roof, most especially health anxiety. I’m hoping to document my experiences with therapy and on working on this last piece of my health puzzle.

Working Out for My Best Life

Being laid off more than two years ago left a scar on my psyche that is only beginning to heal. As I have worked on my mental and physical health, part of that work now includes a strength-training regimen. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about going to a gym and becoming a gym bro. But I have now read so much about the importance of building, and at the very least maintaining, my muscle mass as I lose weight and get older.

I’m currently using the Fitbod app to do a 15-minute weight and bodyweight workout twice a week. I also do at-home yoga every day, culminating in a longer power yoga class in person once a week. It has been near miraculous the way that this additional strength training has allowed me to feel stronger in my everyday life, even as I get older.

Getting Back to Creativity

I have started to submit my novel again. I have inklings of an urge to write and paint again. But these urges come in waves. This post has taken me so long to write that I’m currently in a creative dip again. I just got an agent rejection, which always tends to put me in a sour creative mood. Thankfully, this rejection, even though it was a form one, mentioned that I was welcome to submit to a different agent at the very large agency. I’m grateful for this since some agents will note that if they reject your manuscript, you can consider that a rejection from the entire agency. Time to get researching again.

But creativity, for me, is a muscle. I have let it get lax and flabby. I need to get back into a regular routine again. I have gotten used to the pharmacological cornucopia I am now on, so I think that I can now start to be more standard in my daily routines.

So, the second half of my life has started. I am excited and anxious and joyful and tired. I am more experienced and more hopeful. Life is for living, and I’m ready to keep doing that.