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Keeping friends takes maintenance. I know, I know. “Maintenance” is a boring word. It brings to mind car upkeep, work-life balance, your weight. You don’t often see it associated with something as lofty as friendships.
In fact, since friendships are things that we make when we’re just kids stumbling around elementary school playgrounds, it’s easy to think that friendships are things we simply pick up and keep with us forever, just like a treasured stuffed animal.
Of course, nothing in life is ever that simple. Friendships, like any of our complex life relationships, require work and maintenance. A lot of times, the close proximity of friends that we meet at work is all that’s needed to maintain a friendship. Proximity and routine simplify the strengthening of friendship bonds.
But, as I’ve learned after becoming a freelancer, proximity and routine aren’t at all enough if you work remotely for all of your projects.
Instead, you need to work at keeping your contacts strong. Here are few simple steps for maintaining your friendships:
Say yes. This was a step that I always have a hard time following. Saying no to things is easy. So easy, that it became my default. I always thought that I was too tired to go to friendly get-togethers. But, after saying yes to a few invites, I found that the outings gave me energy. They filled up my happiness meter. Saying yes once led to more opportunities for friend meetups. It’s very easy to say no but go ahead and say yes when someone invites you to hang out.
Put in calendar invites for regular Zoom calls. Since I’m always remote, I chat with many of my friends only via email or by phone. Because we aren’t seeing each other in person, and because we’re all insanely busy, it can be easy to lose touch with someone. I’ve taken to putting in regular monthly call invites in my calendar. These aren’t set in stone invites—no one wants that kind of pressure. But they’re in my calendar as a gentle reminder to keep those friendship connections.
Follow up. Sometimes you reach out to someone, and they take a while to get back to you. Don’t take that silence as a slight. It seems that everyone has had their calendars booked up back to normal, and everyone is busy. Follow up with an email, or better yet a call. Leave a voicemail and let your friend know that you’re thinking about them. If you assume positive intent, you’re likely to find out that your friend was just busy and is more than happy to have had you reach out again.
Reach out to someone you have spoken to in a while. I did this on my last trip out to California. I hadn’t chatted with my friends from college for decades. I was nervous about reaching out, but I’m so glad that I did. When we arranged to meet up, it was as if no time had passed at all. And we strengthened our friendship bonds for the future. You will have friends that you don’t talk to every day or even every year, but don’t be afraid to reach out. That connection that you make after so much time can only help strengthen your bonds.
Maintaining friendships as you get older does take a bit of work, but the payoff is so rewarding. Friendships are not just good for your mental health, they’re good for your overall health as well, and that’s something worth maintaining.
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