Photo: Merlina McGovern
I’ve never been one to post selfies. Selfies were more in the domain of Millennials, so comfortable on Twitter and TikTok, versus us Gen Xers who took up social media slowly. In fact, in 2014, the Pew Research Center felt that the Millennial-selfie phenomenon needed a whole article, More than half of Millennials have shared a ‘selfie’. In the article, the writer mentions the celebrity selfie moment that broke the Internet when Bradley Cooper took a selfie with a bunch of other celebrities at the Oscars (see, celebrities are just like us!).
But I’ve never liked photos of myself. I always felt super critical of the way I looked. Especially because I’ve dealt with weight issues my entire life, as I grew up, people felt free to comment on my looks when I was just walking around in the world, without me specifically posting pictures of myself for total strangers to judge.
And, of course, as I’ve fallen down the TikTok rabbit hole, the influencers and booktokers that I follow mostly only seem to post videos of themselves using flattering filters. Filters that erase wrinkles, acne, hyperpigmentation, and even chin rolls.
As I’ve continued my writing journey, I have given some thought to my social media presence. I love participating in a thriving Threads writing community (you can follow me at Merlina McGovern (@lacalaveracat) on Threads).
I’m mostly a looker on the BookTok and writer communities on TikTok. While I do have an account, it is private. I have given some thought to opening up that account to the public, and I even recorded some video of me doing some mundane and silly weekend activities.
But I was afraid. I was afraid of posting a video of myself and putting it up for the Internet to judge. Of course, I’m one of millions of posters. I’m sure that my videos would mostly be seen by no one. But, still, the idea that my video would be up for anyone to post mean comments about my appearance frightened me.
And so, I thought about using filters for my videos. But the more I thought about it, the more I rebelled against that idea. I’m almost 50; the way that I look is the way that I look. It reflects my lived experience. It reflects the great joys and tragedies that I have lived through. It reflects the birth of my child and the raising of my wonderful daughter to 15 years of life. It reflects the decades that I have been having adventures with my husband and soulmate.
My face, with all of its wrinkles, is me.
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